Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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