so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
