So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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