Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
