so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
