Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
