smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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