True but thats because hes a fetus.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
