I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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