using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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