she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
