Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
