look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize