Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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