They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
