I got chris browned last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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