Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
