Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
