Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
