Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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