Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
