I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
