he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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