This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
how does that bad decision feel?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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