I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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