I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
