It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
