just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.