You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.