Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered