Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!

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  (313): marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte! http://tfl.nu/25lr
  Replies (1) Good night (3287) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2343) Bad night (23715)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives

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  (404): after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives http://tfl.nu/slpi
  Replies (11) Good night (2938) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.

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  (519): All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like. http://tfl.nu/ro2k
  Replies (50) Good night (6431) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

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  (972): Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip. http://tfl.nu/klsb
  Replies (50) Good night (514) Bad night (6713) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed

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  (617): i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed http://tfl.nu/c1fn
  Replies (7) Good night (4529) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

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  (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua
  Replies (71) Good night (14707) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

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  (763): someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless http://tfl.nu/hdeq
  Replies (10) Good night (4481) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

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  (864): Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you. http://tfl.nu/wybw
  Replies (6) Good night (3381) Bad night (705)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.

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  (586): I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/qqt4
  Replies (4) Good night (1164) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
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  (852): View more from

  come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air

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  (852): come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air http://tfl.nu/kik8
  Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (1845) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.

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  (727): It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm. http://tfl.nu/84qt
  Replies (4) Good night (1958) Bad night (526)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.

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  (902): Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst. http://tfl.nu/a5qa
  Replies (3) Good night (1985) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy

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  (970): Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy http://tfl.nu/dxdl
  Replies (7) Good night (2295) Bad night (342)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.

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  (505): I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single. http://tfl.nu/1f65
  Replies (10) Good night (1115) Bad night (150) Order T-Shirt

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