the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother