There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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