Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
