its not stalking. its research.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
