I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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