so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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