You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
