somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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