I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
