Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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