she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
there is glitter all over my balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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