you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
