dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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