Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
