How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
