I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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