I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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