My underwear smells like fireworks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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