erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
