so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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