"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
