I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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