I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
