I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
