i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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