She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
