census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
