I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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