Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
