Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
