remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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