Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i think my cat just said my name.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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