this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
