Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
