it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
