You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize