babies were throwing up all over the place
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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