My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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