i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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