I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
