I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's the barista slut.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
