Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
